The delicate art of recruiting
by Tristana
Summary: Since Ezio says he can handle the recruitment, Yusuf gladly accepts, not knowing what the Master Assassin had in store. He will find out that Ezio's style is more flamboyant than he thought. Pure Crack.


Me again... and again, written for kinkmeme... no no don't run, I promise there is nothing to be scared of!  
>Anon posted: "When Ezio claimed to have more than a little experience in recruiting Assassins, Yusuf Tazim never imagined that it would involve flyers, pamphlets, and a sandwich board... or that they would be on the grounds of a Den just reoccupied by Templars, no less."<p>

I just had to do it - I mean... such crack cannot be ignored!

Subtitle may be: Ezio's crash course in advertising = Cultural crash at hand

Disclaimer: I don't own this - Ubi is evil and wouldn't share. Else Templars would be singing the 'Knights of the Round Table' song...

* * *

><p>"Don't worry about recruitment, my friend. You'll see that I planned everything just fine."<p>

Somehow, hearing those words from the Italian assassin did not soothe Yusuf in the slightest. Quite the contrary. Something in the confident tone Ezio used just spelled doom. Maybe he was just being bitter about having a 'stranger' doing what he should be doing himself. Oh well, he'll just give him a chance to work on recruitment – he had so much to do that he could use a second set of hands.

That was before. Right now Yusuf wanted to slam his head in a wall and just pray the gods it was all a nightmare. Because it looked like one well enough.

It had started innocently enough. As he was walking in the streets near Galata's tower, he saw what looked like parchment flowing down – catching one, he found it was a flyer. A flyer with a note saying 'You are young and determined to make things better? The Assassins need you in their fighting injustice! Join now! Living expanses and training free of charge. Contact Ezio Auditore.' While Yusuf could only thank whatever deity above for Ezio's lack of providing the exact location of their hideout, the huge _red_ Assassin's sign that marked the whole page could not be missed. He had a feeling that, while most Templars were actually quite stupid, they were not blind and would obviously recognize it. Sighing, Yusuf crumpled the paper and prepared to toss it in whatever garbage corner. Before deciding against it. Instead, he just threw it against a burning lamp. No use bringing attention. Attention would come about fast enough. It could not be worse anyway and the worst thing that could happen was a reinforced pattern of security patrols. Well, security being an euphemism for 'terror-inducing, violent and just plain annoying Janissaries'. As if he did not need more to deal with.

Ezio was not here when he was finished with his rounds but Yusuf trusted the older man would be back soon enough. Peering into the reports given to him by his recruits, he was nonetheless surprised to see some citizens had actually decided to join them. Perhaps it was worth waiting some more before just telling Ezio off. That was what he thought before another of his men came back with what suspiciously resembled the flyers he had seen. As he read it, he could feeling his eyebrows reaching the top of his forehead – just why did the damn Italian feel the need to write a whole _pamphlet_ against Templars? Of course, they were evil and wanted to 'enslave people' and just 'use them' and whatever. But really. To call them 'cowardly cazzi that deserved retribution for their evil ways'... while it was true – though he himself would have said 'deserved a real ass-kicking session', it was still dangerous to get those all around. He thus asked some of his trusted men to roam the city and get down as many pamphlets as possible. Surely the people would react to this. Whether they react positively was a different matter altogether and Ezio was dangerously close to break one of their creed's tenets... Because if flaunting the Assassins' sign and declaring war against the Templars was not 'compromising the brotherhood', he did not know what would.

Again, it might be an Italian way of doing things and it just worked all fine for Ezio so far, apparently. But he'd really need to catch him and tell him that Constantinople was _not_ Rome. Not the last time he checked at least.

It was only the next day that Yusuf got a hold of Ezio, just as the man was 'sneaking' back to the hideout.

"Ezio, I think there are a few things we need to discuss my friend."

"It's good I found you, amico mio. I actually have come up with a brilliant idea to rally people to our cause."

That damn grin again. Time to worry now. "Since you mention it... no more flyers nor pamphlet?"

"No, I decided to go with something a bit more traditional if you see what I mean. Someone tore down my pamphlets during the night..."

_Thanks deities they made it! _Yusuf had no time to rejoice though, as Ezio was positively dragging him along in the streets then on the rooftops. He was actually surprised to see Ezio run towards one of their old hideout that got claimed by the Templars – again – two days prior. Indeed, he saw no flyers, no pamphlets on the wall. Nothing.

"Whatever your strategy is, I am sure there are simpler way to find recruits than getting them under the Templars' nose."

"Now now my friend, I told you. It's absolutely brilliant." Then Ezio motioned to a far-off form that was walking closer to the tower. Then another one, coming from another city. Wearing civilian clothes, those people were not assassins but men Yusuf recognized as those occasionally 'wearing' sandwich boards. And sandwich boards they were carrying.

"See?"

'See what' would have been his reply – had he not squinted to read what was written on the board. It had to be a joke! Staring at Ezio with a dumbstruck look, he found that it was no joke. The Italian had planned it...

"'Want to kick Templars' asses? Join the Assassins' now!' Really?"

"It works, amico mio! Brilliant isn't it?"

Yusuf did not know anymore if he should throw the man from the roof, shake him until he comes to his senses... maybe he was poisoned? Or maybe it was one of those 'old age' problems? Or maybe Ezio was actually sane – or pretending to be... He could not even find the words to yell at him – he looked like a kid who just got to show his relatives his last super – read, ugly – drawing and was expecting praise. He crumpled to the roof, his head in his hands. That was the moment when he was supposed to start crying and wailing about 'whatever in Heaven's name has he done to deserve such fate!'

"Yusuf, are you okay?"

"..."

"Yusuf..."

"First, the flyers. Not subtle but I could live with that. Then the pamphlets. I guess I could have survived that. But this? Ezio... I am not sure about how it works in Italy – this is not Italy." His tone was growing calm and calculating by the time he was finished. He was not going to cry, no sir. But some assassin was sure as Hell going to get his ass handed to him in a few seconds. "Now, Ezio, I suggest you start running very fast if you don't want me to get you on a pilori for being such a fool."

The Templars were just staring at the boards, unsure if it was a joke. Perhaps it was a taunt, better not think about it. Just then, a yell was heard and they all looked at the rooftops. They could only gape as they saw two figures running. Assassins. While they did not recognize the first one, the second was their leader in the city. They could not make out clearly what was being yelled, aside from 'blade', 'throat' and 'moronic italian' – aside from colourful terms before they dashed out of sight.

"Say what, I think we won't even need to work anymore. Assassins are just going to kill each other."

"If that's your pick up line to get a tumble in the hay, I have to say that I never heard anything that lame."


End file.
